Parents and guardians of local youth — listen up.
February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and this month Rise Above Violence wants to highlight common unhealthy teen dating behaviors and how you can help our community youth.
Movies, books, TV shows and even music all show romance at some point. Are they showing good relationships or toxic ones? If they show toxic relationships, do they show how to get out of it? Do they normalize unhealthy and even abusive relationships?
Don’t tell yourself it doesn’t apply to your kid yet because the dating age is getting younger and younger. Small kisses on the cheek on the playground have been happening for years, but dating for kids is looking quite different these days. Dating relationships are lasting longer, are more intense, and show higher signs of unhealthy and even abusive behaviors.
There are rites of passage for everything, but should having a bad dating experience be one of them? When we think of teen romance, we often think of “young and in love.” It’s an intense relationship that has rose-colored glasses and ends in heartbreak. While we can’t stop the heartbreak that inevitably comes with dating, there are other things that we can prevent.
Here are some unhealthy relationship signs that you can look out for:
• Isolation: The beginning stage of a relationship should be fun, and your child and their partner should want to spend time together. However, there is a difference between spending time together and intentionally isolating them from their friends. As a parent, keep an eye out for if your child stops talking/hanging out with their friends that they had before their relationship. A dating partner should not take up 100 percent of someone’s time or force them to stop hanging out with other people.
• Normal texting behaviors: Yes, it’s normal for kids to text 24/7 nowadays, and it’s normal for dating partners to text a lot, too. Texting becomes unhealthy, though, when a dating partner expects to text all the time. If one person gets upset because their boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t responding fast enough and it leads to repeatedly texting the other person, this is not only unhealthy, but harassment. Harassment is a form of dating violence and not a normal part of teen dating.
• Privacy: As a youth advocate in the schools, I hear quite often, “If you don’t have anything to hide, then it shouldn’t be a problem for me to have your phone password, or Snapchat password, or …” We also hear, “If you love me and want to date me, then you’ll give me your phone password.” This isn’t dramatized for the newspaper; teens are being threatened this way. Sharing passwords, ultimately invading their right to privacy, in order to stay in a relationship is borderline blackmail. This is teen dating violence.
• Monitor your child’s behavior: As a parent, you know your kids, notice when something is off with them, and you recognize the little changes in them. You are the first line of defense for a teen who is entering an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Did you know 33 percent of teens admit to being in an abusive relationship? Don’t tell yourself it won’t happen to your kid because there is a 1 in 3 chance it has been or will be your child. Recognize the signs of unhealthy relationship behavior. The sooner your child can get out of an unhealthy relationship, the better they will be.
Rise Above Violence is a nonprofit and serves victims of domestic violence and sexual assault in Pagosa Springs. Rise provides 24/7 crisis support, advocacy and long-term resources for victims and survivors. Through prevention education and community outreach, Rise works to end violence before it starts.
Call our 24/7 Hotline at (970) 264-9075 to reach a trained advocate. Parents and teens can call the hotline at any time.
