Love brings struggle. Life is hard at best. But, God is love and He draws us to Himself in love. So, two loves struggle to become one.
Poets speak of love. “It’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all,” states a poem by Alfred Lord Tennyson.
Reaching forward to April 1, my Sweet Al and I will celebrate our 65th wedding anniversary. We stand in awe that we have made it this far. Was the struggle worth it? Heavens yes. Did we want to throw in the towel? Heavens yes, many times.
We didn’t know when we spoke our vows — “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part” — that we would actually experience all that. We have, and we will.
We’ve lived through some worse patches, but some better ones, too. We’ve known poorer more than richer, but we’ve always had plenty. We are living in sickness at the moment and trying to be healthy as we grow older. One day we’ll experience till death us do part.
People ask us how we made it. I always tell them love, laughter and a greater commitment to the Lord than to each other. What? That doesn’t sound right, but it’s the truth.
Still moving slowly from an accident in August, Al is losing his patience with me. “See that piece of paper you dropped on the floor? I have to go behind you and pick it up.”
“Thank you. Al, I didn’t have my picker with me.”
“You need to get well.” Al wants it to be like it was before the accident. It’s not happening. There are some challenges along the way.
Life is changing, and it is necessary that I leave the toilet seat up so my Sweet Al can hit the hole.
I told him for years to put down the toilet seat. He’s confused; he doesn’t know what I want now.
After a month of this horrible stomach flu, I’m still fighting to get well, still struggling to advance from the walker to the cane, striving to get my strength back one step at a time.
A writer friend of 30 years introduced me to the greatest contemplative writer of his time.
John Ruusbroec, “the Admirable,” (1293-1381) an important Medieval mystic. He lived a God-seeing life.
Ruusbroec wrote, “In this storm of love two spirits struggle—the Spirit of God and our spirit.
“God, by means of the Holy Spirit, inclines [Godself] toward us, and we are thereby touched in love; our spirit, by means of God’s activity and the amorous power, impels and inclines itself toward God, and thereby God is touched.
“From these two movements there arises the struggle of love … Each spirit is wounded by love.
“These two spirits, that is, our spirit and God’s Spirit, cast a radiant light upon one another and each reveals to the other its countenance. This makes the two spirits incessantly strive after one another in love … and lose themselves in one another.
“God’s touch and his giving of himself, together with our striving in love and our giving of ourselves in return—this is what sets love on a firm foundation.”
I’ve had moments I thought I was going to strangle Al, but I needed him. He was saved by being a sweet guy, not by me being noble.
To keep him busy this winter, he has worked on his and my closet. I remember the day when I had two closets and I gave Al 3 feet of space for hanging his clothes. Now, he’s sized me down to one half of a hanging rod for my clothes. He’s moved my shoes up two rows from the top and asked me what I wanted to do with the rest of my shoes.
The shoe racks are brimming over with his. He still has that shoe fetish after all these years and he still loves beautiful clothes.
Final brushstroke: Love, laughter and a greater commitment to the Lord has held us together. If you struggle to love, remember it’s better to have loved than not loved at all. If you’re struggling to love, your partner is, too. It’s a God thing to be touched by love.
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