I plopped down the devotional book on the table with a thud, “Hmm. Well, that hit a bruise.”
My Sweet Al waited for an explanation. “Why do you have your panties in a wad?”
“This story opened a wound. The author wrote he and his wife stopped for free coffee at a rest area. An attendant handed two cups to them and asked for $2. The husband became annoyed and grumbled, ‘Why? I thought the coffee was free.’”
The attendant directed him to the small sign, “Free coffee for drivers only.”
His wife pointed out his error. “You’ve turned a gift into an entitlement and became ungrateful.”
“You’re right. I need to go back and apologize to the lady.”
“Al, do you remember in the ‘70s, we would stop and enjoy free coffee at the rest area between Las Cruces and Albuquerque? Retired veterans offered us a free refreshment. We’d thank them and went on our way. We didn’t think about the time, effort or money they provided for our comfort. We expected them to be there on the west side of the highway any time we passed by.”
“Not anymore. Times have changed.”
“Times have changed,” I echoed his words. “This devotion brought up a point of contention. It seems our home and our hospitality was like that rest stop. We offered beds and meals and were always excited to give what we had. Mostly everyone was so appreciative and we made wonderful friends, even though there were a few entitled people that came our way.”
Al’s mind was clicking. “I should’ve taken the remote from him. Remember the couple from Albuquerque? The guy sat in my chair, changed channels and watched what he wanted to. He wouldn’t give me the remote. I watched his programs for three days.”
“Apparently, your panties are in a wad, too.”
It started in 1976. Al and I had an open-door policy. We provided a place for people to come and stay with us in these beautiful mountains. We had the space; if not, we made room. Even our grownup children, after they left home, would invite their friends and say, “Our folks don’t mind.” We didn’t mind. We were glad our children felt free to invite their friends to our home.
A few years ago, a friend, who had visited us over the years, invited herself to stay with us. “I’m coming for a month. I sold my house in California and I’m between homes.”
“Whoa. A month is a long time.”
“Oh, I won’t be a bother. I’ll bring my own food and cook for myself. By the way, I will be bringing two people.”
I didn’t have a “hard no” in me. They came like a house on fire.
“Al and I expected you at six. It’s nine o’clock.”
“Oh, we were running late. We didn’t go to the store. We’re hungry. We didn’t have time to eat. Would you cook bacon and eggs for us?”
By that time my hair was on fire. Mama wasn’t happy. I felt our generosity had turned into entitlement and even ungratefulness. That was the beginning of their stay. It went downhill from there.
Needless to say, it was time to make a change. Not closing our hearts, but understanding where we were in life, we closed our open-door policy and established new boundaries. It was difficult. “Sorry, we’re not in a position to have you stay. We must say no.”
Final brushstroke: It is everyone’s nature to be self-serving and even entitled at times. Today, we don’t throw invites into the air, but if anyone is passing through, there is a free cup of coffee waiting for you, and not only for your driver.
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