“Grandma, what’s you doing?”
“Oh, I’m hitting the books.” I recognized the caller ID and my grandson’s voice. “I’m studying the Colorado Driver’s Handbook. I have an appointment to take the written and driving test. I can’t drive without a driver’s license.”
He laughed, “At 84 years old, my Grandma is going back to school.”
Even at my age, I still have something to prove. It sounds ridiculous, but I have to try. I don’t want to, but I have to. It would be easy to give up and let someone else drive me around. I am still breathing. There are certain things expected of me. I can’t tell people I have given up on life and quit.
“What about you?” I could tell he wanted to talk. He had a lot on his mind. He said he wanted to quit. He had a great year, but he was ready to quit.
I listened. He talked. I reminded him why he was there in the first place. “Stay focused. You’re getting a degree. You’ll need that piece of paper in your future.”
As I talked to him, I was talking to myself. Life isn’t always cracked up how we thought it should be. I wanted to hold his hand and console him. But that wasn’t going to do anything but frustrate him. I wanted someone to hold my hand and take my driver’s test. That wasn’t going to happen, either.
I made an appointment for the driver’s test in an adjacent town. Since the accident happened over a year ago, I had finally been released by my primary doctor, my physical therapist and my eye doctor. I complied with all the documents and paid the fee required to reinstate my driving privilege in the state of Colorado.
I studied the driver’s handbook from cover to cover. I was ready for the test. I’d been driving for 70 years, that should count for something. I had it in the bag, I thought.
I jumped through the hoops, commended myself on knowing almost all of the answers. Eight sides on a stop sign, lights on low beam following a car and entering traffic from the proper lane. I missed one more than allowed. I didn’t pass. I paid the amount for another test and new questions, and missed two of the required answers. I didn’t pass again.
Yes, I wanted to quit. But quitting isn’t an option. The positive side of all this is that I’m not in handcuffs headed for jail.
When I read this newsfeed in my email, it cracked me up. The photo showed a bent-over old woman in handcuffs guarded by five officers. Under the picture, the article read: “An 82-year-old woman was taken into custody yesterday after leading police on a high-speed chase down I-24, reaching speeds of up to 87 mph in her mint-green 2002 Buick LeSabre.
“Officers say the woman, identified as Ethel Mae Connelly, refused to pull over for nearly 15 minutes, instead waving out the window and blasting Kenny Loggins’ Danger Zone.
“‘She had a fresh perm and zero remorse,’ said Officer Brent Fields. ‘I’ve never seen a turn signal used so aggressively.’”
Ethel claims she got confused after taking a new medication and mistook the flashing lights for a parade in her honor. No one was injured, but several drivers reported being passed by “a blur of blue hair and orthopedic shoes.”
Ethel was released shortly after, reportedly warning officers: “Next time, I’m bringing the Oldsmobile.”
Final brushstroke: We can’t give up. I just need to buckle down and study the handbook again. If I fail the quiz, I’m warning the officers I’m bringing a faster car.
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