Give them something to talk about


Is what people think about what they talk about?

I met with my lady friends for lunch. They were busy checking their calendars for holidays. They were excited they soon had another holiday to celebrate.

One of the ladies said July is Ice Cream Month, and another one said there is a Cheesecake Day. Did you know that?

My eyes lit up and now I’m into celebrating holidays.

“Did you know Star Wars has its own day to celebrate?”

“No, I didn’t. Who’s got time to worry about holidays?” I asked.

“We celebrate all of them. I buy all my holiday decorations the day after for the next year. Yesterday, I picked up some furry little chicks for next Easter, and I found a black cat at the thrift store for Halloween.”

“Isn’t that a lot of junk to store?”

“Yes, but I enjoy looking at them and planning for holidays.”

I was intrigued by Star Wars Day, so I asked, “Is there really a day for Star Wars?”

“Yes, it’s May the fourth. May the fourth be with you!” They all laughed.

You’ve got to be kidding. There must be something better to talk about.

Then, two days later, I listened to the conversation at our weekly Sunday dinner. It’s our standing date with our family for NASCAR and dinner. This is how the conversation went:

My daughter said, “Can you believe it, Lazaro is still on American Idol? He needs to go. The women at work were so mad, they turned off the television.”

My youngest daughter said, “I voted for him.”

I came back, “You voted for him? Why would you do that?”

My son-in-law asked, “How many times?”

“I don’t know.”

Then my daughter said, “They should at least give him a hanky, the poor thing can’t stop sweating.”

“I know.”

Then I said, “Why would he wear a coat every week? They should turn the fan on him. They put so much air on Angie, they almost blew her off the stage. Turn that fan on Lazaro.”

I’m cracking up and I’m goading them. The whole family is mad at our youngest daughter for voting for Lazaro and they weren’t going to let her forget how disappointed they were in her. They wanted her to leave the table.

So, I switched to another hot topic. I heard on the news the other night in Denver, they are worried about all the accidents people are causing because they are smoking marijuana and driving. Hello!

“I know. That’s another mindboggling thing to think about.”

“Why would they make marijuana legal?”

My son-in-law said, “They make the tobacco companies issue all these warnings, now there is marijuana to deal with. The officials in our town have worked hard to get alcohol off the streets, especially away from our kids. Here’s another problem they are having to deal with.”

Then one of the family members spoke up, “I heard of a prominent member of the community who voted for marijuana.”

“Hold the phone!” I came unglued. “What? What in the world was he thinking?”

“He said, by legalizing marijuana, it frees up the courts.”

“Hello. Now they are worried about how many ounces make it legal. I thought they were supposed to smoke only in private. Now people are driving under the influence of marijuana.”

I spoke up again. “A Facebook friend posting after the elections, if he’d only known they were voting in marijuana, he would’ve stayed in Pagosa. Well, that would drive up our population.”

Then out of the blue, my Sweet Al said, “Our insurance keeps going up and up, it’s killing us. We heard now insurance will cover a sex change operation, that will drive up our premiums.”

“I’m sure you’re right. That operation couldn’t be just a walk in the park.”

Then, I said to the family, “Listen to us. When did we get so opinionated? We used to laugh at things. Nothing seemed to be that serious. But recently, everything is hitting us in the face. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe we should celebrate one of the holidays. I’m sure there is one coming up. I’ll have to ask my lady friends.”

Cricket’s birthday is tomorrow. She called and said she was turning fifty and was wondering how she could celebrate the end of her forties.

Her son said to her, “Mom, tomorrow is National Weed Day, go smoke a weed.”

Picture my accountant, pearl-wearing, ultra-conservative daughter’s mortified face.

She asked her son, “How do you know that?”

“I’ve always known that.

As my one friend says, “May the fourth be with you!”

Final Brushstroke: I guess planning holidays takes your mind off the real problems. This week we are celebrating Lazaro leaving the show. Poor guy, he just wanted to sing and we have crucified him. If they’re talking about it, they’re thinking about it.

Artist’s quote

“It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” Moliere

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This story was posted on May 9, 2013.