Fast cars, fast women … and outdated

My Sweet Al and I made a quick trip to Albuquerque.

The closer we got, the faster the cars were going down the highway.

We made the comment, “We’ll be glad to get back home to Pagosa.”

Maybe it’s like Dorothy said after the tornado: “Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”

I went to the Apple Store in Albuquerque, asked about getting more reception, other than Wi-Fi. I was told I didn’t have the band on my iPad.

The salesperson said, “Your little baby will only work at Wi-Fi places like coffee shops. If you want to get reception in the car and other places you must buy the iPad 4 with the band.”

I said to her, “My iPad 4 is brand new, I got it for Christmas, and now you’re saying it’s outdated?”

She came back with a simple answer to my dilemma: You can trade it in for a new one. It’s only $195 more, and we will give you $200 for your old one.

I told her, “My son paid over six hundred dollars for this one six months ago. That means you want me to pay you five hundred ninety-five for a new version. No, I guess I’ll just have to live with this one.”

I held my iPad with great pride, since it was a gift from our son. It didn’t have a scratch on it and I was actually learning how to use it. Anyway, I felt good about it until I visited the Apple Store.

I walked away deflated. How could something be outdated in six months?

Welcome to the world of technology. I had a feeling I was not in Kansas any more.

We arrived at Al’s brother’s house Sunday evening. David had just come back from vacationing in Mexico. Al wanted to watch NASCAR on the fast track. David wanted to tell me all about the fast women in Mexico.

He poured himself a glass of wine and began. “I needed a vacation. I’ve been working hard. I flew into Tucson, rented a car and drove four and half hours into Mexico. I checked into this new resort hotel. The next morning, about ten thirty, I went to the pool and ordered a Marguerita.

“I sat down at a table next to the pool. One of the young women came to the table and asked, ‘How are you doing?’

“I said, ‘Now that you’re here, I’m doing fine.’

“She smiled and lifted her top and said, ‘Now, how are you doing?’

“I said, ‘Better.’

“The guys hanging around the pool came up to me and said, ‘She won’t lift her top for us. What are you telling her?’


My Sweet Al is watching fast cars going around and I’m listening to David brag about fast women in Mexico.

I said to him. “Given you will be 78 years old this June, you should be settling down. I know you don’t want an old woman, but pick a fifty-year-old.”


“Why? Is it just looks that’s different between a thirty and fifty year old?” I was thinking of my new out-of-date iPad. They’re the same thing, but different in age with one new feature.

He said, “I don’t know. Fifty-year-olds bore me.”

I said to him, “Maybe the young ones are fun, but they haven’t lived life. The older ones have been around, they’ve been hurt and they’ve seen a lot more. The older ones are probably distrusting and calloused because of how they’ve been treated.”

“Probably that’s it. I know that the women are rabid today.”

“Rabid? God help us all.”

I remembered a scripture in Job. (Job 33:22,23) It says a man’s soul draws near to the pit, but there is a messenger for him. He’s a mediator, to show man His uprightness. God will deliver him from going down to the pit.

But, does man want to be delivered from going to the pit?

I don’t think so. He’s busily skipping down the yellow brick road looking for the Emerald City.

Final brushstroke: My question is this: Will they hear? Will they turn around? Are they having too much fun? The fictional land of Oz and the Emerald City looks brighter and greener at the end of the famous yellow brick road. I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas any more. Time is short. Is anyone listening?

Artist’s quote

“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”— William Jennings Bryan.

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This story was posted on June 27, 2013.